By Martine Ellis

I delivered a talk recently and afterwards, a delegate said to me, “You are so confident. I could never do that.”

I hear this often, and it always makes me smile. People see me speaking or leading a session and assume I am naturally at ease in the spotlight.

Spoiler alert: I am not.

I have been teaching and speaking for over 20 years. I have trained thousands of people and have spoken on a wide variety of professional stages. If I look confident now, it is not because of a special gift. It is because I have a toolkit of strategies that I use every time I am in front of an audience.

I rely on these tools because the nerves never truly go away. Even after two decades, I still experience impostor syndrome and moments when I would rather hide at the back of the room. But this experience has taught me an important lesson: confidence is a practice, not a feeling.

You do not need to wait until you feel ready, or until what you have to say is perfect. In fact, perfection is overrated and often acts as a barrier to performing at your best. You cannot think your way into becoming more confident; you have to do it to get better. The goal is not to be flawless, but to be clear, engaging, and authentic.

By accepting that nerves are a natural part of the process, you can stop fighting them and instead focus on making the experience easier on yourself. This starts with understanding why your body reacts the way it does.

The Biology Behind “The Spotlight” 

When you feel anxious before a meeting or a presentation, your body is not failing you. It is trying to protect you. Facing a group of people can trigger the fight-or-flight response, a survival mechanism that floods your system with adrenaline.

This reaction makes your heart race and your breath become shallow. It is a physical response to a perceived threat. Because the root of the problem is physical, we can use physical tools to signal to our nervous system that we are safe. We do not have to wait for our minds to “feel” confident to perform well.

Try This: The Physiological Sigh

One of the fastest ways to calm your nervous system is a technique called the physiological sigh. It is a specific pattern of breathing that helps to offload carbon dioxide and reduce your heart rate.

This is how to do it:

  1. Inhale deeply through your nose.

  2. At the very top of that breath, take a second, shorter inhale to fully expand your lungs.

  3. Exhale very slowly through your mouth until your lungs are empty. Your exhale must take more time than your inhale. 

Repeating this just a few times can shift your physiological state, allowing you to approach your task feeling calmer. 

Ready to Start?

Developing a confident professional presence takes time, but there are strategies to get there sooner and in a way that feels better for you. I can help you build a toolkit so that the next time you need to communicate an important message at work, it feels easier and lands better.

I am delivering two courses with the GTA this year that offer a safe, supportive space to learn and practise:

  • Confidence Building (5 March): This half-day session helps you understand the impact of stress and the fight-or-flight response. We explore assertive communication techniques and create a personalised action plan to help you handle workplace challenges calmly. 

  • Presenting and Public Speaking with Confidence (15 May): This full-day workshop is for those who want to communicate more clearly in meetings or deliver formal presentations. We cover how to plan a clear message and manage nerves, giving you the opportunity to practise in a safe environment.